Well, at least I’m out of
the damn river! In retrospect, was a
mistake to slip off the hand of that Dunedan prat in
mid-stream. Should have waited till he got to shore, could have been looted by
an orc and spent the next few centuries building orc empires, while I waited
for the Dark Lord to rise again.
All very menial of course, but better than being half buried in mud with
being eaten by a fish every couple of centuries the only change of scene. Tried to influence a few of them, but fish
not much into world domination. V. frustrating.
Ah, feel much better for
having induced that stunted oaf to strangle other stunted oaf. Haven’t had a good murder in far too long,
and it being all in the family is an extra buzz. Started to think I may have landed up with a
weirdo, though. Also,
disappointingly lacking in ambition.
Chief interest seems to be fish. Not very much to work with there.
~ ~ ~
I’ve got to get out
of here! True it’s good to be
worshipped, but I need a change of vocabulary, if I get called ‘precious’ one
more time I’m going to flip!
Should
never have stayed this long. Saw it as a challenge, but despite being
incredibly stupid and having vocab range of about twenty-seven words, most of
which it can’t pronounce, this gollum-gollum
thing seems to be very tough in some ways.
Would probably take several more ages to turn it into
a decently satisfying wraith.
Also, think I can sense Dark Lord again.
Time to be moving on! A nice, nasty big orc… or even a little orc, after all a big one
would have me off a little one fast enough.
And when Sauron gets wind,
ah, it will be back to spreading terror and bloodshed just like in the bad old
days! AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!
~ ~ ~
Curses!! Picked up by
another of these short food-obsessed people!
They’re everywhere! What’s happened
to the world while I was in that blasted river?
Did everybody shrink?
Also, this one appears to
be disgustingly well-intentioned. Wants to use me to help his friends. Blerch! Said friends also short, but at least I know
about dwarves. Unfortunately what I know
is mostly that they’re not good material for an evil ring to work on. Sure, you can get them to obsess about gold,
but most of them do that anyway.
Think I may have to lie
low for a bit. Again.
~ ~ ~
Wretched wizard! Just as I was finally getting
somewhere with current short-house – which had taken far too long, I can tell
you – he goes and persuades it to hand me over to another
short-house! Me! Handed over like
a suit of old clothes! I may never
recover from the humiliation. Not to
mention all that hard work is now to do again.
When I return to my rightful place as the terror of Middle-Earth
something, really, really nasty is going to happen to the entire over-stuffed
race.
And the same goes for that
interfering old buzzard in grey. For a few moments thought I might persuade
him to take me for his own, set out on new reign of terror, but unfortunately
he was too noble, or stupid, or something.
This is getting really,
really, annoying.
~ ~ ~
Think I might be getting
somewhere. Current short-house is a
terrible drip, but quite amenable to suggestion. And the Nazgul seem
to be around. Dark Lord must have
realised I’ve surfaced. Send out a
strong enough signal, and I could be back in business.
~ ~ ~
Never trust a Nazgul to do anything right! Always did say the Nine
rings were very inferior. So I’m now in
this disgusting Elvish place, with the only
consolation knowing that Short-house will be feeling the pain for a nice long
while. The rest of his natural in fact,
though if I’ve got any say that shouldn’t be so very long.
Top Elf and Fool in Grey
seem to think they’ve arranged for me to be dropped back in Mount Doom. Quite amusing, really. After all, if Dunedan
Prat couldn’t do it after knowing me for all of ten minutes Short-house isn’t
going to stand a chance. Unless they’re planning to throw him in along with me….
Whoa! Bad turn there, but really,
they’re all much too sickeningly noble for that.
Of course I’m not just
going to sit around and wait for Dark Lord to pick me up when the time is
right. Far too dull, and anyway I don’t
want Sauron taking me for granted….
~ ~ ~
OK, I’ve got eight possibles here. Fool
in Grey I already know. One dwarf: no
good. Three more short-houses: no
way! Considered elf,
but most elves a bit wishy-washy these days. Two men my best bet. One of them seems to be descended from Dunedan Prat, which is promising.
~ ~ ~
Think other man better
prospect. Prat’s Brat seems to have
absorbed some highfalutin’ ideas from somewhere. Gondor Man wants to win lots of battles –
much better.
Seen the last of Fool in
Grey! Balrogs have their uses.
~ ~ ~
Yet another
disappointment, it’s a good thing I’m so well-adjusted and resilient. That She-Elf seemed just the right type, very
old and proper Valinor power, not like the watered-down elves you usually
see. And she wanted me, I know
she did. Getting
lovely fantasies about all-out war between Sauron and She-Elf. No matter who won either. I may be evil, but I’m not sexist: a Dark
Lady could be every bit as satisfying.
But then she has to go and succumb to an attack of nobility.
Ah, well. Back to tempting Gondor
Man.
~ ~ ~
You know, sometimes the
power to make mortals invisible doesn’t work out so well. And short-houses are unfortunately fast
movers. Result: I’m now stuck with just
the familiar drip and one other short-house who is so loyal and devoted it
makes me positively ill.
What’s more, I think I can
sense gollum-gollum thing again. Mark of how low I’ve sunk that that actually
feels like quite a good thing. At the
very least, should introduce a refreshing bit of corrupted nastiness.
~ ~ ~
Honestly, I don’t know
what’s happened to the Dunedain. Is there no decent selfish ambition
left? Ah, for the bad old days back in Numenor, when Sauron had the whole island properly
corrupted…. Well, near enough. Have had to give up on the
idea of wreaking havoc in Minas Tirith. On the other hand, good progress with gollum-gollum thing.
Better be careful though, I don’t want to be eaten by a giant spider,
even if she is spawn of Ungoliant.
Spiders’ ambitions far too limited.
~ ~ ~
Not a
good few days at all. Gollum-gollum thing sadly failed to repossess me, and Second
Short-house proved even worse than I’d thought: quite numb to temptation,
probably on account of being much too stupid.
Actually handed me back to First Short-house! Hope I’m not losing my touch.
And we’re in Mordor with lots of juicy evil all around…. Ah, the
frustration! Still, not far to Mount
Doom, then the fun will start!
~ ~ ~
Ah, the
heady smell of molten lava! The
sensation of hopelessly tormented Shorthouse (and
things are only going to get worse for him!), and the further sensation of hopelessly
corrupted, vengeful gollum-gollum thing. This is the stuff!
Soon be
back in my rightful place! I can feel
Sauron sensing me, I can feel the Nazgul
rushing to take me! Hardly matters which
of this two wins, but a savage, mad with desire fight is just the thing to set
me up!
Ah, the
power! The hunger! The-
Oh,
Bugger…..